Self-Confidence Is A Choice

[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]Whether we believe it our not, self-confidence is a choice.

But when given the choice to choose self-confidence, what it is that we’re choosing, really?

What Is Self-Confidence?

Google tells us that self-confidence is, “A feeling of trust in one’s abilities, qualities, and judgment.”

Simply stated, self-confidence is a feeling; it’s a feeling that we feel about ourselves.

Because our thoughts cause our feelings, it’s our thoughts that cause us to feel self-confident, or not.

In other words, self-confidence is an inside job.

Yet, we often attach our self-confidence to achievements, accomplishment, and results outside of us.

We say things like, “When my business shows a profit, then I’ll feel self-confident.”

Or, we believe, “When I get in shape, or lose weight, then I’ll feel self-confident.”

Now, you might be thinking, “Yeah, but when I’m learning a new skill or trying something for the first time, I don’t feel confident.”

That right! But let’s be clear; are we talking about confidence or competence?

Confidence Or Competence?

I suspect it could be that you’re referring to competence, which according to Google is, “the ability to do something successfully or efficiently.”

I might not feel competent shooting free-throws and for good reason, like my amazing sons are; yet, I feel confident in my ability to learn how to shoot free throws…it’s not on my bucket list, but you get the picture.

For example, right now I’m learning the ins and outs of managing and operating an online business. Am I competent? Heck no! Some days I want to pull my hair out!

However, whereas I’m not totally competent in all the intricacies of owning a business, I feel confident in my abilities to become competent at creating a successful business.

Likewise, I do not attach my self-confidence to anything related to my business; meaning, what goes right and what goes wrong does not interfere with my self-confidence.

I simply choose to feel self-confident no matter what the business does or doesn’t do.

But that’s not what we do; instead we sabotage our self-confidence.

How We Sabotage Our Self-Confidence

We sabotage our self-confidence when we attach our self-confidence to something outside of us, such as results, outcomes, goals, achievements, and sadly, possessions.

When we announce that we’ll feel more self-confident when our business makes its first 50K, we’re basing our self-confidence on the success of our business.

If we say that we’ll feel more self-confident when all our debt is paid off, we’re giving away our self-confidence to an external source, like money.

When we state that we’ll feel more self-confident when we can build a bigger home, we’re actually putting a house in charge of how we feel about ourselves.


What I want you to realize is that it’s not the debt, the business, or the house that decides your self-confidence; it’s the thoughts that you think about yourself in relation to the business, the debt, and the house.

You’ve decided ahead of time to base your self-confidence on something outside of you instead of thinking thoughts that simply cause you to feel self-confident.

You chose NOT to trust your abilities, qualities, and judgment; and instead, chose to feel self-confident ONLY if you produce the evidence of your worthiness first.

And hear me when I tell you, “You were born worthy.”

Wow, even as I type this, I feel a heaviness in my heart.

So, let me ask you?

Why Don’t You Feel Confident?

Usually when I ask my clients why they don’t feel confident, what they share is often a colored with doubt, insecurity, anxiety, confusion, worry, and perfection.

Like, if they think that they can’t do it perfectly, they doubt themselves, and so they don’t feel confident.

Or, they don’t believe that they can pull something off, so they’ll spiral into a state of confusion and insecurity, which totally obliterates their self-confidence.

I see this all the time with my graduate students when asked to do any type of public speaking; OMG! The sky might as well be falling in!

Before they’ve taken a breath and put pen to paper to create the presentation, they’ve already decided ahead of time that they’re going to suck at it, they start feeling anxious, and so of course, their self-confidence goes out the window.

Realize that in all these examples, it’s the thoughts that caused the doubt, insecurity, confusion, anxiety, worry, and ultimately, the unraveling of self-confidence.

How To Feel Self-Confident

Feeling self-confident comes from thinking thoughts that cause you to feel self-confident.

Because our thoughts cause our feelings, and our feelings drive our actions, and our actions create our results, it’s pretty clear that what you think determines is you feel self-confidence.

But it’s often not a matter of simply changing our thoughts, even though for some people, it’s that simple; they simply stop the suffering in their mind and decide to feel better.

But for those of us that take the long road, you first have to get to know yourself and study what’s going on in your mind and body; you have to come to know what you think and believe about yourself, your abilities, your qualities, and your capabilities.

It’s hard to change what we aren’t clear about, so knowing you well is the first step; you have to become fully aware of the thoughts you think about you.

By getting to know your mind, you begin to see how your thinking has caused how you’ve felt for years and thus, created your life!

This might be difficult to accept at first; but here’s the thing…

Once you become crystal clear about how powerful your thoughts are in regard to the results in your life, you’re going to want to change your thinking, like right now!

When you realize that by changing your thoughts, you can change your life, you’ll be hooked.

The more you decide in your mind to feel self-confident, the more you’ll discover that you can handle anything that comes your way, be it debt, running a business, building a house, and even managing difficult emotions, like anxiety.

You’ll come to trust your abilities to create anything you want.

And that’s the best news ever!

Sending you inspiration,


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