“What’s really the problem?” you ask.
You’re over feeling anxious.
Tired of feeling tired.
Sick of being over weight.
Fed up with your marriage or relationships.
Hate your job.
Had it with the clutter in your home.
Ashamed of all the debt you’re in.
Frustrated that you’re not doing what you want to do or living the life you imagined.
You’re totally overwhelmed with all you have in front of you.
Day after day, you try to get ahead, get on top of things, and get organized, but each day ends like the last; you, in a puddle of anxious misery, drowning in the chips and salsa, or perhaps a pint of Ben and & Jerry’s with The Bachelor.
So what’s really the problem?
Many of us move through life denying, avoiding, ignoring, and actually resisting our problems. Impulsively, we blame, defend, and explain away our problems to our friends, family, and even our beloved pets.
We’re so afraid of owning our stuff and taking responsibility for the mess we’re in that we resort to putting our heads under the covers like children hiding from the boogeyman.
We seek refuge in a bag of Oreos; or, we grab the closest credit card and swipe our problems away on Amazon.
Maybe, we settle in with our favorite bottle of wine. “Aw, Merlot, take me away!”
We let our problems get all puffed up and out of control to where we truly do suffer.
We go further into debt.
Our weight continues to creep up.
We drink more and feel even crappier in the morning.
What we’re stubborn to acknowledge is that we create our own suffering, and then we create more problems by denying the very problems that we create!
I have this vision of a hamster running feverishly around a hamster wheel; kinda funny, when you really think about.
But, what’s really the problem?
Getting off the hamster wheel starts with identifying what’s really the problem.
To do this, we must stop blaming, avoiding, denying, and defending.
These behaviors get us no where except deeper in debt, more over weight, and further into the bottle or six-pack.
Be honest. Are these options really working for you?
I thought they did for me.
I believed that, “If only…” all my problems would be solved.
I gave my power away to everyone and everything outside of myself hoping that they or it would fix all my woes.
When that didn’t happen, anxiety would swoop me away into a frenzy of eating, drinking, or shoping.
“Over-ing” was how I coped…numbed, to be honest.
The real problem was not the who or the what. It was the how.
It was how I was thinking about my so-called problems that was my problem!
“How we think about our problems is more important than the problems themselves.”
At this point, you might feel like throwing your phone or computer.
You might be thinking, “Yea, but when my boss acts like a jerk, it’s not something I’ve made up in my mind!”
Believe me. I had a similar reaction the first time I heard that it was my thinking that was creating my problems. I was like, “What?!”
I remember feeling dizzy as if my head was going to explode.
I recall a heavy, sinking feeling as I considered that my problems were literally in my mind…and that I could solve them by changing how I think about them.
What’s the real solution?
See, once we own that we create our problems in our minds, we can choose to un-create our problems. This is super cool news!
When we take responsibility for managing our thinking, we can decide how we want to feel, what actions we want to take, and what we results we want.
We can begin to attract and manifest what we want most in life.
It doesn’t mean that we’re off the hook of feeling anxiety, shame, heartache, grief, and hardship.
In fact, taking responsibility for our thinking puts us in the position to decide how we want to think, feel, and act in any situation or circumstance, even the most painful and devastating.
We might all agree that your boss does act like a jerk, but you are the one who gets to choose how you think, feel, and act in response to his jerky behavior.
You get to choose the thoughts that create the feelings and actions that will serve you best in the situation. Honest.
For example, you could choose to be fascinated with your boss’ behavior.
Notice how fascinated creates a different feeling in our body from the thought, “My boss is a jerk!”?
For instance, you could be curious about your anxiety.
You could observe tired.
Wonder about your weight.
Be amazed with your marriage or relationship.
Notice your job.
Thoughtfully admire the clutter in your home.
Playfully ponder the debt you’re in.
Explore inquisitively as to why you’re not doing what you want to do or living the life you imagined.
Even as I type these new thoughts about these circumstances, I feel lighter. You?
Here’s something to try
Think of your most negative thought. Go ahead. Indulge fully.
Next, identify how you feel when you think that thought.
Then, envision how you act with you have that feeling.
My guess is that what happens reinforces the negative thought.
Now try this.
Replace the negative thought with a positive thought. Go ahead. You can do this. Even if you don’t really believe the thought, create a thought that you’d like to believe instead of the negative one.
Next, how do you feel when you think that thought?
Then, visualize how you act with you have that feeling.
Again, the result should reinforce the positive thought.
Repeat this exercise daily or when negative thoughts create problems that drive you to swipe the card, pop the cork, or reach for the Oreos.
Ask yourself, “What’s really the problem?”
Sending you inspiration,