Ever wonder why we spend so much time talking about and focusing on other people? We vent, we complain, throw people under the bus, and give enormous breath and energy to what others have done to us, not done for us, and need to do, or not do. We speak as experts on everyone’s lives, their families, their parenting, their jobs.
I wonder how the world, society, our communities, our places of work, our neighborhoods, our families, and our relationships might transform if we spent as much time on us as we do others.
Perhaps it’s safer.
Perhaps focusing on others secures us from the deep, gut-wrenching fear that might wash over us should we look at ourselves in the mirror. It’s safer to gossip about the co-worker who drinks too much at happy hour than examine our own drinking or numbing out behavior.
Perhaps focusing on others harbors us by projecting all our stuff onto someone else…and protects our fragile egos. It’s safer to slam someone else for having an affair than own up to our own affairs or moments when we gave someone and second look in wonder.
Perhaps focusing on others shields us from acknowledging the envy we hold toward others because they are living their life fully and passionately with intent, while we muddle through life comparing ourselves to others, bitter, resentful, stuck, and wallowing in self-deprecating pity. It’s safer to judge someone for their success than own that we are not living our truth, our life calling.
Perhaps focusing on others is simply more comfortable. It’s easier and more convenient to talk about someone that frustrates us, annoys us, or even infuriates us than talk with them directly. When we talk about others we avoid conflict and possibly hurting anyone. We dodge fear.
We hammer on people as if we were hammering nails. Pound after pound, as if expert carpenters, we nail people down with opinion, appraisal, judgment, criticism, conviction, and yet give little attention to the homes we are building.
We mow over people as if we were mowing our lawns. Cut after cut, as if expert landscapers, we scythe people down to their tender roots with evaluation, critique, disapproval, condemnation, and yet give little attention to own gardens.
Perhaps it’s time to breathe in courage, exhale fear, and inspire to be the experts of our homes and gardens. Authentic, real safety and security is inside, in our own homes and gardens, not someone else’s.
Transformation unfolds when we practice designing our own homes and cultivating our own gardens. People that we once hammered on and mowed over begin to look different; we soften. Our relationships grow easier as we put down the hammer and raise the blade.
Today, imagine building the home and garden of your dreams. What would it look like, feel like? Hold the vision for a moment, get clear. Form the intention of creating the home and garden you desire. Take one step today towards your vision today, with purpose, with clarity, with gratitude, and with grace.
Sending you inspiration,