No One Knows Until Now You Know

No one knows the inner turmoil and torture women often endure around food, eating, and their bodies.

No one knows the pain and suffering women of average weight, maybe even thinner than average, bear trying to hide their obsessions, compulsions, and anxiety. Women like you…and me.

The well-meaning, yet stabbing remarks, “Ha, it must be nice to be able to eat anything!” Or, “You’re so skinny! How do you do it? You must starve yourself!” Recently, a friend actually said to me, “Don’t you all have any food in your house?” Really? If you only knew…

No one knew…

… about my relationship with food; how I agonized grocery shopping, cooking, and choosing food to eat; how anxious I was at meals, gatherings, or when eating was expected and celebrated.

… about my relationship with my body; that almost every waking moment of every day thoughts about how I looked, especially my thighs, and how much I weighed consumed me.

… how my relationship with food, eating, and my body spiraled into over a decade of binging, purging, and dieting, which wreaked havoc on my thyroid, and tragically, my self-worth.

…about my rituals, my traditions, and my routines; how I suffered in silence and isolation, ashamed to reach out, and petrified of reactions, if I did.

Until…

… I recreated my relationship with food, eating, and my body through a smorgasbord of juicy mind, body, and spirit practices that I continue today.

…yoga reconnected me with my body, while quieting my mind and expanding my spirit.

…I stopped hating my body and grew to respect, admire, and honor it, and want to feed it well.

…meditation and noticing what goes on in my mind gave me priceless awareness and insight into how my thoughts were influencing my feelings, which were driving my actions.

…I learned that I am not my thoughts and that I can handle any feeling without needing to numb it or destroy it with food.

…walking reconnected me with nature while caring for my body with kind, loving movement.

…I learned to use exercise to care for, strengthen, and nurture my body instead of pushing it beyond its limits or abilities.

…massage and acupuncture relieved my body’s tightness, soreness, and pain.

…I honored and thanked my body for carrying me through the world, and putting up with me.

…creativity fed my soul and senses.

…I soaked up inspiration in my garden, through my writing, behind the lens of my camera, at my piano and microphone, and joyfully, in my kitchen.

…the pain of not owning my story was far greater than the fear of sharing it.

Now you know…

What’s your “No one knew…?” What’s your “Until…?” What might be possible if you could say, “Now you know…?”

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